


McDonald's, McDonald's, McDonald's!

by karadanverz



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, I Don't Even Know, Other, tagging avalance bc they're in here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 05:30:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15812373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karadanverz/pseuds/karadanverz
Summary: Sara finds a "McDonald's Alignment Chart" that Zari made for the Legends and the two of them test it.ORIt was midnight and I joked that I would wrote this but then I actually did it, so... this exists.





	McDonald's, McDonald's, McDonald's!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Justbin case you haven't read the tags, this is kind of a crackfic. Someone joked about me writing a foc based on a McDonalds alignment chart and then I joked that I would do it and here we are. Fair warning that I wrote this in the early hours of the morning, so just... read at your own risk.
> 
> Enjoy?

 

“Hey,” said Sara, popping her head into the doorway of Zari's room “can I use your laptop for a minute? I left mine at Ava's apartment and she's asleep.”

 

“Yeah, have at it.” 

 

Zari slid the laptop over and Sara plopped down on a beanbag in her room.

 

The two worked in silence for a few minutes, Zari playing  _ Trombone Hero _ (which despite being an anachronism was a pretty good game), and Sara checking in with all of her Earth-1 friends on Facebook.

 

When Sara was finally done, she closed her browser tan, only to.find some kind of chart on Zari’s Microsoft Paint account.

 

“Z, what's this"" she asked, turning the screen.

 

“Oh yeah. I forgot I made that. It's an alignment chart.”

 

Sara examined the picture “I'm not following.”

 

“Well, I took the template of a chart and put the team where they belong in the chart because I was bored.”

 

“But what do we have to do with McDonalds?”

 

“It's a referencing a John Mulaney bit.” explained Zari.

 

“Oh, yeah I've heard some of his stuff. He's that tall comedian that looks like Barry, right?”

 

“Yeah. Basically, in the set he tells a story about when he was in the car with his family when he was a kid and while the kids in the car were chanting ‘McDonalds’ his dad pulled into the driveway and ordered one black coffee.”

 

Sara laughed “That's amazing.”

 

Zari nodded and pointed to where Sara was on the chart, in between  _ “pulls into drive-thru and orders one black coffee"  _ and  _ “McDonald’s, McDonald's McDonald's!” _ but leaning more towards the coffee option. 

 

“That's why I put you there.”

 

“Okay, I get it. But I disagree with some of these.”

 

“Why?” Zari asked, intrigued.

 

“For starters, Ray is Mr.Healthy-Eating. He would insist there's food at home rather than chant along.” said Sara.

 

“Fair enough.”

 

“ _ And, _ Nate's the exact opposite. He would be chanting along with the kids, not being a responsible adult!”

 

“Well then what do you say we make this interesting?” Zari asked, turning to Dara with a mischievous grin on her face. 

 

“What do you have in mind.”

 

“Well, we run an experiment. We found a way to get everyone in a car one at a time with chanting children and see what they decide.”

 

Sara nodded “I'm in. Loser does winner's chores for a week.”

 

“Deal.”

 

_________________________

 

“Where are we going?” asked Ava, buckling her seatbelt inside the Legends’ minivan that they used when the need arose. “And there's a seat up here, why are you and Zari in the back seat?”

 

“It's… a surprise.” replied Sara.

 

Ava gave the two of them a suspicious look before turning around and starting the car. She had learned that at times it was just easier to go along with whatever Sara had planned, and this was one of those times.

 

“I still don't know where I'm going.” she reminded, pulling out of her driveway.

 

“Just drive around for a while.” said Sara “Trust me.”

 

About ten minutes passed, the three women had been chatting and making small talk about missions when they finally passed a sign.

 

Sara was the first to start chanting and Zari quickly joined her “McDonald's, McDonald's McDonald's!”

 

Ava was confused “What? I'm so confused, don't you guys literally have a food fabricator back on the ship?”

 

“Aha!” exclaimed Sara, “That counts as her saying we have food at home, I get a point.”

 

Ava stopped driving in circles around the town and stopped back in her driveway before turning around again.

 

“Are you two trying to make an alignment chart based on experimental data?”

 

“Yeah, pretty much.” admitted Sara.

 

“How did you pick up on that so quickly?” asked Zari.

 

Ava shrugged “Gary’s been teaching me memes. Usually I ignore his rants but I just happened to listen in on this one.”

 

“Nice.” replied Zari “Well, we’d love to stay and chat, but we have 5 more people to test and  _ I _ have a bet to win.” she stepped out of the van and Sara moved up so she was closer to her girlfriend. 

 

“If I win I can pretty much stay at your place all next week and you won't have to bunk with me on the Waverider.”

 

Ava smiled “Well then you'd better win.” she said, kissing Sara's forehead.

 

“Love you!” Sara said, rushing out of the van to get back to Zari.

 

Ava called out after her “Love you too!”

 

_________________________

 

Sara and Zari soon realized that it would take way too much time, effort, and energy to get all of the individual legends into a minivan and keep doing the same thong five more times, so they decided to modify their plan.

 

“How about instead of driving we can just walk up to whoever we have left and chant at them.” suggested Zari.

 

“They'd think we've gone crazy.”

 

“Haven't we all at this point?”

 

“That's a fair point,” Sara agreed “who do we go to next?”

 

The pair walked up to Ray, and as planned, they started chanting  _ “McDonald's”. _

 

After a series of confused expressions, Ray answered by explaining that corporations like McDonald's were wildly unhealthy and they should go for a healthier snack instead. 

 

Zari decided that Ray's statement would fall under the  _ “We have food at home"  _ category, earning Sara another point, and setting the score to 2-0.

 

After examining the scoreboard, Sara looked at Zari with a smirk.

 

“I'll even it up, Sara. Just you wait.”

 

Zari was correct! Over the next two rounds, she gained two points by correctly placing both John Constantine as an  _ “Orders one black coffee"  _ type of person, and although Sara and Zari both agreed that Nate would be the chanting type, Zari still earned a point, evening the playing field a little and making the scores 2-3.

 

There was only one person left to question: Mick Rory.

 

Sara was one-hundred percent convinced that he was the coffee type, while Zari decided to take a riskier bet and say he was the type to say there was food at home.

 

“You know,” said Sara “this final round can be 2 points so I can beat your ass by two.”

 

Zari smiled “How considerate.”

 

Sara pulled her into a side-hug “Shut up, I'm joking.”

 

They walked up to Mick and began to chant  _ “McDonald's, McDonald's, McDonald's!”  _ one last time.

 

He paused, before turning around and simply responding “No.” and with that, he walked away.

 

That answer could mean a lot of things.

 

“No means we have food at home, right? That's basically the same thing.”

 

Sara shook her head “I disagree. You see, that response is exactly what someone who would pull into the drive thru and order a single black coffee would say.”

 

“Do you want to get a second opinion on this or just call it a tie?” asked Zari after she decided that this argument was in no way worth it.

 

“That works for me.”

 

“Good.”

 

They stood there in silence for a few seconds before Sara spoke up.

 

“Do you want to go to Arby's with me?”

 

“After all this, shouldn't we go to McDonald's?” asked Zari.

 

“Does McDonald's have the best damn mozzarella sticks in all of time and space? Plus, they send Ava like 4 sheets of coupons every month and she doesn't know why, so if we order the right things we could get 70 dollars worth of food for 9 bucks.”

 

“Fair.” replied Zari.

 

The two women went off to Arby's, enjoyed the best damn mozzarella sticks in all of time and space, and then the story ended.

**Author's Note:**

> Oof, of you look closely, you can see me projecting my live for Arby's into this ending.
> 
> And congratulations, you made it through... whatever that was.
> 
> If you were able to enjoy that, feel free to comment or leave kudos :)
> 
> If not, that's fair. Carrynon with your life and have a nice day.


End file.
